As much as I have become disenchanted with the political arena the past few months, I still love talking politics. And I've learned all I have to do is open my big loud mouth if I want an exciting conversation about it.
The first thing you have to know about economics junkies like myself is that we're cynical of people in the political realm. As Thomas Sowell said, the first principle of politics is to disregard the first lesson of scarcity in economics. It's true. A lot of deadweight loss occurs and inefficiency ensues just to cater to the political arena, and us financial people get sort of worn down by it.
But I'm not just one of "those financial people" - I'm a Christian. Being a Christian is a much more fundamental part of who I am. But I'm also a Christian who can hold a lot of controversial (and sometimes cynical) opinions. I am often reminded of Christ's words on the matter of governmental authority when he spoke, "give to Ceaser what belongs to Ceaser; but give to God what belongs to God." At the end of the day, it's those words that have governed my political thought.
And that leaves me to the question: what belongs to Ceaser, and what belongs to God?
I've always been skeptical of "Christian politics" because no one has ever been able to tell me quite what that means. Especially because "Christian politics" is just code word for "vote Republican". However, if we use the language of "Christian politics" we can say it in Church. I once talked to a Christian who rambled about "homosexuals taking over America!" and I asked her what the name of the organization was.
"What do you mean, the name of the organization?" She asked.
"You know," I said, "You said gays were taking over America. What's the name of their organization?"
She looked at me real funny. "They don't have a name, they're just trying to take over the House and Senate and legalize gay marriage."
That conversation stuck with me for awhile, mainly because I can't name a single gay organization that is trying to run through America and take over, while I can name several Christian organizations off the top of my head who are. I know several gay people who are some of the kindest people I've ever met, and I don't believe they are trying to take over America any time soon. Yet most of what I hear from Christians today is a lot of political war rhetoric.
This is really were we are in the state of politics today: first, we're trying to make a more moral society by becoming more political. Secondly, we're not very well informed. Not only do I think politics is the worst way of achieving a moral society, but I think creating a moral society is a bad goal in the end.
Politics resembles painting: not only is the process not black and white, but there are a million shades of green. Christians can talk about how terrible government organized healthcare coverage is, but I've never seen Christians have an honest conversation about how the Church can help people who could never afford health care coverage. Christians can hold signs in front of Planned Parenthood, but I'd also like to see the Church dialogue about how to help under privileged women. Christians may be able to give reasons why welfare is counter-productive, but we cannot neglect the poor simply because we are afraid of becoming "socalist". We're called to engage; not simply prove our political beliefs to be valid.
If you carefully read Christ's gospels, most of the Conservative rhetoric just isn't there. Rush Limbaugh can talk about traditional marriage all day long, but he's also the one who had Elton John sing at his fourth wedding. He can talk about how the "liberal media" is silencing his voice, but only after he's made millions of dollars off delivering that message. My point is, neither side of the political arena is very objective, intelligent or honest.
Not only do we need to stop using politics to create a moral society, but we need to stop blurring the lines between our faith and our politics because it's making our faith look bad. Christ called us to trust him, give our lives in service, care for the oppressed, create peace, give generously and conduct ourselves honestly. That's all. I've never seen either political party uphold the same values.
God did not call us to create a political society or a moral one. In my opinion, we should start telling more people about Jesus than how to build a strict moral culture. If you want a religious culture, move to Salt Lake City and live religiously to your heart's content.
Christ has calls me to give generously to those who have less than I do. Sometimes I have a hard time giving up even a small portion of my resources.
Christ calls me to not let the sun go down on my anger, but sometimes I can go days being angry at someone who simply holds a different opinion than my own.
Christ calls me to pray for my enemies, but I don't think I've ever prayed blessings for those who persecute Christians.
Christ calls me to love my neighbors, but sometimes I forget to remember all my neighbors.
My dear readers, that is the tragedy. That tragedy is not that my political party has failed me. The real tragedy is that the only thing that can truly change the culture - the gospel- is often blended with my political dogmatism. Trying to solve cultural problems through politics is like trying to help a burn victim with a cheap first aid kit.
When Christ said give to Ceaser what is Ceaser's and to God what is God's, he left us with a very obvious question. What is God's? And the very obvious answer? Everything. Your mind. Your energy. Your wonder. Your identity. Your labor. Your will. Your passion.
The political arena has become a lions den, and although I know God could use me in it if I submit like Daniel, I prefer not to land myself in it. And I've begun a happier chapter of my life when I decide to let who I am belong to God and not the political arena.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
Writing series #1: a letter to women's ministries
Dear Women's Ministry:
Long time no see. I know our lack of connection has probably left you somewhat curious - and I think our separation has largely been my fault.
Not all lies are given to intentionally snare.Some of your lies are like forbidden fruits; very well disguised. But your forbidden fruit was not just white lies about the weather either; but lies about God, myself, femininity, leadership and men. And it's taken me years to try to get things straightened out in my own mind. I'm not blaming you; because you were just the mouth piece of what the modern, American evangelical culture was already emerged in. I'm just sorry that you had to confuse a lot of the girls I grew up with in the process.
Women's ministry: if I wanted decorating tips, casserole recipes, and cute cupcake designs, the world would be more than happy to give me a class in it. If I wanted to be forced to share my deepest feelings with people I hardly know, I'd sign up for therapy. I think women come to the Church to find something that the world cannot give them; and that's a better understanding of God, themselves, and their call. Please stop telling us to search for less. I figure that if God wanted women to be shallow and self-absorbed for their entire lives, He would have applied white out to erase the majority of women from the Bible.
In fact, I'm sorry to say that if Deborah, Hulda, Mariam, Esther, Junia or Phoebe were alive today, they probably would not be allowed on our platform.
The reason I used the word call and not role is because you taught me to be skeptical of the word "role". Roll makes me think of June Cleaver; call makes me think of Lucy disappearing into a magic wardrobe. I know which one I'd rather be. We want adventure too; it's not just a guy thing. While some of us may be content playing a little helper role in the adventure, some of us want permission to be more. "Helper" doesn't mean acting like dumb Watson to support a brilliant Sherlock Holmes. To help is to restore, to nurture, to raise up. To heal.
Women's ministry, I love your intentions, really I do. But one day when I give an account to God with how I used my gifts, "the boys won't let me" will not be an adequate excuse.
Women's ministry, I wish you told me that the definition of womanhood doesn't just encompass marriage and motherhood.
I wish you told me that healthy relationships are when two people make each other better at being themselves.
I wish you told me that marriage is best when two partners both play second fiddle to God.
I wish you told me that grace and submission is mutual, not mutually exclusive.
I wish you told me that I should act like a servant and not a princess.
I wish you told me that desiring Christ was more important than acting like I had it all together.
I wish you told me that millions of young girls are slaughtered trying to get a basic education in third world countries instead of telling me my college education was worthless.
I wish you raised money to help the millions of women sold into sex slavery instead of raising money for cupcake decorating materials.
I wish that you had stopped dreaming so small for us.
Women's ministry, I haven't given up on you. I've just needed some space for the last few years. So forgive me for my own failings, and give me a little more time. The truth is, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of loosing myself and my passion amidst the arts and crafts you often give us to entertain us. I'm afraid I'll become more shallow, instead of more humble and vibrant. Allow me to find my calling instead of my mere role.
Sincerely,
Ashley
Long time no see. I know our lack of connection has probably left you somewhat curious - and I think our separation has largely been my fault.
Not all lies are given to intentionally snare.Some of your lies are like forbidden fruits; very well disguised. But your forbidden fruit was not just white lies about the weather either; but lies about God, myself, femininity, leadership and men. And it's taken me years to try to get things straightened out in my own mind. I'm not blaming you; because you were just the mouth piece of what the modern, American evangelical culture was already emerged in. I'm just sorry that you had to confuse a lot of the girls I grew up with in the process.
Women's ministry: if I wanted decorating tips, casserole recipes, and cute cupcake designs, the world would be more than happy to give me a class in it. If I wanted to be forced to share my deepest feelings with people I hardly know, I'd sign up for therapy. I think women come to the Church to find something that the world cannot give them; and that's a better understanding of God, themselves, and their call. Please stop telling us to search for less. I figure that if God wanted women to be shallow and self-absorbed for their entire lives, He would have applied white out to erase the majority of women from the Bible.
In fact, I'm sorry to say that if Deborah, Hulda, Mariam, Esther, Junia or Phoebe were alive today, they probably would not be allowed on our platform.
The reason I used the word call and not role is because you taught me to be skeptical of the word "role". Roll makes me think of June Cleaver; call makes me think of Lucy disappearing into a magic wardrobe. I know which one I'd rather be. We want adventure too; it's not just a guy thing. While some of us may be content playing a little helper role in the adventure, some of us want permission to be more. "Helper" doesn't mean acting like dumb Watson to support a brilliant Sherlock Holmes. To help is to restore, to nurture, to raise up. To heal.
Women's ministry, I love your intentions, really I do. But one day when I give an account to God with how I used my gifts, "the boys won't let me" will not be an adequate excuse.
Women's ministry, I wish you told me that the definition of womanhood doesn't just encompass marriage and motherhood.
I wish you told me that healthy relationships are when two people make each other better at being themselves.
I wish you told me that marriage is best when two partners both play second fiddle to God.
I wish you told me that grace and submission is mutual, not mutually exclusive.
I wish you told me that I should act like a servant and not a princess.
I wish you told me that desiring Christ was more important than acting like I had it all together.
I wish you told me that millions of young girls are slaughtered trying to get a basic education in third world countries instead of telling me my college education was worthless.
I wish you raised money to help the millions of women sold into sex slavery instead of raising money for cupcake decorating materials.
I wish that you had stopped dreaming so small for us.
Women's ministry, I haven't given up on you. I've just needed some space for the last few years. So forgive me for my own failings, and give me a little more time. The truth is, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of loosing myself and my passion amidst the arts and crafts you often give us to entertain us. I'm afraid I'll become more shallow, instead of more humble and vibrant. Allow me to find my calling instead of my mere role.
Sincerely,
Ashley
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Lessons from a beautiful year.
I'm sad to see 2011 ago. It was a beautiful year for me, and one that I have been able to say that I did not waste. What a gift. Thank you readers, for helping me become a more honest writer in the process.
During this time between grieving the old, and enjoying the new, I'd like to share some things I have learned. Granted, I have not experienced these enough to understand these things entirely, but a year lends plenty of experience to grow.
This is what I've learned in the past year. Here is to a good year with hard lessons and hopes of many more.
1. Your decisions determine your destiny, your dreams don't.
I have a lot of dreams for my life, and it seems like each new experience births a new dream. This summer, I went to a five star beach and when I came home I talked about moving and living on a beach house for months. Part of me still wants to live in my dream beach house one day. But I have to realize unless I take the necessary and practical steps, living in a beach house will never happen.
Dreams are great, but they don't make things happen. It's like my girlfriend who wants to be in a relationship, but keeps isolating herself from people. She can dream about a guy all day long, but she has to break her habits before she gets anywhere anytime soon. You can't isolate yourself and expect intimacy. You can't be lazy and expect to achieve things that matter. You can't be greedy now and expect to be generous tomorrow. You can't be selfish today and expect to have healthy relationships when you're done being selfish.
Your destiny is determined by your decisions, and your decisions are determined by your heart, and the place of your heart is determined by your habits. I am what I repeatedly do.
2. Sometimes you have to take your heart by the throat.
Emotions can be as destructive as they are helpful. The problem isn't as much that we experience the wrong emotions as much as we have no idea how to process them. For example, with anger we are told to either suck it up or constantly rant and get it out. However, neither one of these theories actually cause us to be more mature people.
What feels right often times is not what is. As much as you feel like you enjoy someone, if that person has no character, they will not make a good friend. What you feel could change tomorrow, but your habits, your character, your decisions and your consequences last long after the feeling has subsided.
Sometimes what I know and what I feel act like two boxers in a ring, and this past year I've learned that what I know is usually more in tune with reality than what I feel. And if I constantly love people simply on what I feel, I will never love and I will never grow.
Maturity is not about ignoring your feelings. It is about understanding what your feelings are, and then gently rebuking them with the truth. Sometimes your heart needs a pat on the back, other times it needs a graceful whisper, and other times it needs to be taken by the throat and pointed in the right direction.
3. Character is more important than personality.
I am shocked at how many people cannot recognize the difference, and I am ashamed that it took me so long to figure this out.
Personality is your Meyer-Briggsness. Your personality is tells you whether or not you are introvert or extrovert, or thinking, emotional, judging, intuitive, and a host of other big words psychologists have made up. That is what personality is - it is our natural bent on how we interact with the world.
Our character is more. Character originates in virtue. I like Aristotle's definition of character; he defined character as the virtues (or vices) that we repeatedly display. Things like honesty, integrity, trust, mercy, compassion, piety, courage, are all virtues. Whereas greed, gluttony, anger, dishonesty and agnst are all vices. Determining the virtues and vices of my habits determine my character.
I love extroverts, and I just happen to be one. But just because you are an extrovert does not mean you know how to earn trust. Just because you have an intuitive personality does not mean you deserve respect. A girl can love a boy because he's funny, but his humor is a positive personality trait, not necessarily a character trait. Personality is what is revealed in the day to day routine; but character is what is discovered over a lifetime of trial. We can temporarily change our personality, but we cannot turn the switch on our character so easily.
If you want to get to know someone, look behind their personality and ask to be acquainted with their character.
4. Always being right is not important.
I'll admit, wanting to be right all the time is just how I was raised. I can be competitive. And being on the debate team for five years has not helped my constant obsession over being right. And while I can be a bad looser, sometimes I can be an even worse winner.
The truth is, in the real world, people do not care if you're always right. And God doesn't care too much either.
People who feel they are right in their theological and political beliefs scare me. I doubt any of us human beings have a monopoly on the truth, and believing that we do just makes us shallower human beings. So often what I label "the truth" is simply a product of my environment, and that is very humbling. Understanding that always being right is not important has helped me become more understanding to people who have different experiences than I do. And in the process, I've learned that some opinions need to be let go of completely, other opinions do not matter at all, and other opinions need to be held with an open hand.
5. Never forget to dream.
Yes, I know, I did say in point one that your dreams don't necessarily determine your destiny. And I still stand firm on that point. However, I do have to condition point one with another point I have learned: never forget to dream.
We stop dreaming when we stop asking ourselves why. We stop dreaming when we forget why we do what we do, and the original point of it was. We stop dreaming when we wake up and have no idea where we are going because we never stopped to think about it. We stop dreaming to become merely robotic.
Oftentimes we forget to dream because social and religious barriers get in the way. Of course, boundaries are good, but I find that oftentimes boundaries have to be questioned and refuted so that we can be free. For me, seeing college and career dreams come true has been broken a lot of barriers, and yet fulfilling those dreams has made me a better person. Sometimes I'm glad I don't listen to tradition simply because it's tradition.
Don't waste your life just because you never knew where you wanted to go. Know what you want, and make steps to do it right now.
6. Treasure beauty.
My friend once said he thought efficinicy was the highest value, and I disagree. Being efficient can be an honorable virtue; but it cannot be the highest one. Efficiency may be able to produce more, create more and grow more, but it cannot explain the exasperation of our souls. But we sometimes overlook that the best things in life are not the efficient ones.
The way I see it is, if the Church was a corporation, God would have given us the pink slip a long time ago. If Jesus had come to earth to start "Christianity INC" most of us would already be fired. People in the process of redemption are not very efficient, in fact, we are usually the opposite. We're like children in constant need of discipline and a lover in constant need of love. Our growth lasts our entire lifetime, and our failures are more than the days we are alive. It's a long - and inefficient - process.
But God loves us and grows us despite our inefficiency. That's because God is not a boss; God is a Father. And that means he cares more about your soul than simply getting a job done.
Maybe that is why being in a relationship with Him is what makes life more beautiful.
Several weeks ago, I was driving to work on an early Monday morning. I hate Monday mornings because everyone on the road acts like they're angry to be alive. Not to mention on this particular morning I had woke up late and somehow managed to let my coffee go cold. But while I was traveling and relishing my firm belief I am the only person on the road on a Monday morning that can actually drive, I noticed the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen in my life. It was a bright red, and made the sky look like it could smile with a warm glow. I felt like I couldn't breathe for a long time.
I wonder if God is ever upset that no one stops to admire his hard work. Sunrises, good music, long walks, long road trips, and art are some of the most inefficient things on earth. We really don't need a sunrise - God could have created the sun like a flashlight you just switch on and off. God could have created us content to listen to nature sounds, but he gave us music as well. God could have made falling in love a whole lot easier, faster, and less painful.
But he didn't. And every time I stop to look at the beauty in the world, I am reminded of one thing.
God is a romantic.
So here is to a new year. I hope the next twelve months teaches me as much as I have learned during the last twelve. But more than that, I hope this next year allows me to experience God more genuinely, love more honestly, seek more reverently and live more radically.
During this time between grieving the old, and enjoying the new, I'd like to share some things I have learned. Granted, I have not experienced these enough to understand these things entirely, but a year lends plenty of experience to grow.
This is what I've learned in the past year. Here is to a good year with hard lessons and hopes of many more.
1. Your decisions determine your destiny, your dreams don't.
I have a lot of dreams for my life, and it seems like each new experience births a new dream. This summer, I went to a five star beach and when I came home I talked about moving and living on a beach house for months. Part of me still wants to live in my dream beach house one day. But I have to realize unless I take the necessary and practical steps, living in a beach house will never happen.
Dreams are great, but they don't make things happen. It's like my girlfriend who wants to be in a relationship, but keeps isolating herself from people. She can dream about a guy all day long, but she has to break her habits before she gets anywhere anytime soon. You can't isolate yourself and expect intimacy. You can't be lazy and expect to achieve things that matter. You can't be greedy now and expect to be generous tomorrow. You can't be selfish today and expect to have healthy relationships when you're done being selfish.
Your destiny is determined by your decisions, and your decisions are determined by your heart, and the place of your heart is determined by your habits. I am what I repeatedly do.
2. Sometimes you have to take your heart by the throat.
Emotions can be as destructive as they are helpful. The problem isn't as much that we experience the wrong emotions as much as we have no idea how to process them. For example, with anger we are told to either suck it up or constantly rant and get it out. However, neither one of these theories actually cause us to be more mature people.
What feels right often times is not what is. As much as you feel like you enjoy someone, if that person has no character, they will not make a good friend. What you feel could change tomorrow, but your habits, your character, your decisions and your consequences last long after the feeling has subsided.
Sometimes what I know and what I feel act like two boxers in a ring, and this past year I've learned that what I know is usually more in tune with reality than what I feel. And if I constantly love people simply on what I feel, I will never love and I will never grow.
Maturity is not about ignoring your feelings. It is about understanding what your feelings are, and then gently rebuking them with the truth. Sometimes your heart needs a pat on the back, other times it needs a graceful whisper, and other times it needs to be taken by the throat and pointed in the right direction.
3. Character is more important than personality.
I am shocked at how many people cannot recognize the difference, and I am ashamed that it took me so long to figure this out.
Personality is your Meyer-Briggsness. Your personality is tells you whether or not you are introvert or extrovert, or thinking, emotional, judging, intuitive, and a host of other big words psychologists have made up. That is what personality is - it is our natural bent on how we interact with the world.
Our character is more. Character originates in virtue. I like Aristotle's definition of character; he defined character as the virtues (or vices) that we repeatedly display. Things like honesty, integrity, trust, mercy, compassion, piety, courage, are all virtues. Whereas greed, gluttony, anger, dishonesty and agnst are all vices. Determining the virtues and vices of my habits determine my character.
I love extroverts, and I just happen to be one. But just because you are an extrovert does not mean you know how to earn trust. Just because you have an intuitive personality does not mean you deserve respect. A girl can love a boy because he's funny, but his humor is a positive personality trait, not necessarily a character trait. Personality is what is revealed in the day to day routine; but character is what is discovered over a lifetime of trial. We can temporarily change our personality, but we cannot turn the switch on our character so easily.
If you want to get to know someone, look behind their personality and ask to be acquainted with their character.
4. Always being right is not important.
I'll admit, wanting to be right all the time is just how I was raised. I can be competitive. And being on the debate team for five years has not helped my constant obsession over being right. And while I can be a bad looser, sometimes I can be an even worse winner.
The truth is, in the real world, people do not care if you're always right. And God doesn't care too much either.
People who feel they are right in their theological and political beliefs scare me. I doubt any of us human beings have a monopoly on the truth, and believing that we do just makes us shallower human beings. So often what I label "the truth" is simply a product of my environment, and that is very humbling. Understanding that always being right is not important has helped me become more understanding to people who have different experiences than I do. And in the process, I've learned that some opinions need to be let go of completely, other opinions do not matter at all, and other opinions need to be held with an open hand.
5. Never forget to dream.
Yes, I know, I did say in point one that your dreams don't necessarily determine your destiny. And I still stand firm on that point. However, I do have to condition point one with another point I have learned: never forget to dream.
We stop dreaming when we stop asking ourselves why. We stop dreaming when we forget why we do what we do, and the original point of it was. We stop dreaming when we wake up and have no idea where we are going because we never stopped to think about it. We stop dreaming to become merely robotic.
Oftentimes we forget to dream because social and religious barriers get in the way. Of course, boundaries are good, but I find that oftentimes boundaries have to be questioned and refuted so that we can be free. For me, seeing college and career dreams come true has been broken a lot of barriers, and yet fulfilling those dreams has made me a better person. Sometimes I'm glad I don't listen to tradition simply because it's tradition.
Don't waste your life just because you never knew where you wanted to go. Know what you want, and make steps to do it right now.
6. Treasure beauty.
My friend once said he thought efficinicy was the highest value, and I disagree. Being efficient can be an honorable virtue; but it cannot be the highest one. Efficiency may be able to produce more, create more and grow more, but it cannot explain the exasperation of our souls. But we sometimes overlook that the best things in life are not the efficient ones.
The way I see it is, if the Church was a corporation, God would have given us the pink slip a long time ago. If Jesus had come to earth to start "Christianity INC" most of us would already be fired. People in the process of redemption are not very efficient, in fact, we are usually the opposite. We're like children in constant need of discipline and a lover in constant need of love. Our growth lasts our entire lifetime, and our failures are more than the days we are alive. It's a long - and inefficient - process.
But God loves us and grows us despite our inefficiency. That's because God is not a boss; God is a Father. And that means he cares more about your soul than simply getting a job done.
Maybe that is why being in a relationship with Him is what makes life more beautiful.
Several weeks ago, I was driving to work on an early Monday morning. I hate Monday mornings because everyone on the road acts like they're angry to be alive. Not to mention on this particular morning I had woke up late and somehow managed to let my coffee go cold. But while I was traveling and relishing my firm belief I am the only person on the road on a Monday morning that can actually drive, I noticed the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen in my life. It was a bright red, and made the sky look like it could smile with a warm glow. I felt like I couldn't breathe for a long time.
I wonder if God is ever upset that no one stops to admire his hard work. Sunrises, good music, long walks, long road trips, and art are some of the most inefficient things on earth. We really don't need a sunrise - God could have created the sun like a flashlight you just switch on and off. God could have created us content to listen to nature sounds, but he gave us music as well. God could have made falling in love a whole lot easier, faster, and less painful.
But he didn't. And every time I stop to look at the beauty in the world, I am reminded of one thing.
God is a romantic.
So here is to a new year. I hope the next twelve months teaches me as much as I have learned during the last twelve. But more than that, I hope this next year allows me to experience God more genuinely, love more honestly, seek more reverently and live more radically.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Stopping
One benefit of living in a park reserve is that you're always finding new things back in the woods. And no matter how often you travel the same walking path, it never gets old. I love parks in the winter time, mainly because no one else is there, and you have plenty of space to look at the water and not be interrupted. No matter how extroverted I rank on the Meyer Briggs personality test, I will always have an inner quiet introvert within. Ironically, there are times that my inner introvert stands up and demands attention.
I've always been a strange kind of girl, and I'm at the point in my life now where I'm beginning to take advantage of it. Being single and a moderate introvert can make you into a very strange person. Sometimes it makes you cook a nice candle light dinner for yourself just because you're tired of waiting for a guy to ask you out, so you've decided to ask yourself out. Sometimes it makes wear earplugs all day just because you're tired of hearing noise. Sometimes being a single introvert makes you want to get up in the morning and dress up just because you feel like being beautiful, and no one can tell you that you're ugly wearing colors that clash. Trust me, I know, it's kinda weird. But I've gotten used to myself.
Since it's only Wednesday and I've already somehow managed to work overtime in less than a week, I have the urge to just rest. To me, the idea of rest is still a lot of work, because I don't think that most Americans understand the idea of rest. To them, resting means going out to the local bar and watching the game. To me, rest means having enough silence to think.
The saddest part about life is that we spend most of it being distracted. We've lost sight of what it means to truly learn, because if we want to know something we can just search for a demonstration on youtube. Nevermind the old days where learning meant work; isn't getting information what Google, Youtube and Wikipedia are for? We're constantly being entertained, constantly consuming. Despite all of our access to information, we're a completely ignorant culture. And despite all our access to entertainment, we still can't recognize good humor.
Nothing burns me out as much as living in a culture that never stops. And if you do stop, you're usually made to feel guilty because you're not burnt out like everyone else.
I don't want to live my life only to have most of it taken away by my lack of attention. I want to get rid of the things in my life that distract, and hold on to the things that enhance. That's what clarity is supposed to mean.
For me, stopping means stopping, and I don't feel guilty in the least for doing it. Sometimes that means an entire day without looking at my phone. Sometimes that means a day where I eat less, spend less and waste less time. And if you manage to save energy by doing this, go pour it out on someone else. That's the best way to rest.
We live in a culture that has never defined what enough actually is. Sometimes I wonder when we will ever have enough noise, enough money, enough time, enough energy, and enough things that we really don't need. The best things are already here, right in our hands, but we never stop to marvel. And if we do stop to marvel, we also stop on facebook to update our marveling status.
Although there isn't any snow on the ground, it's Christmas. That's a celebration where we reflect on how much God really loved the world. I figure that if God loved the world so much that he took enough time and energy to become one of us, perhaps giving up of ourselves and our distractions is the best way to celebrate.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Lessons from a bad day.
Today has just been one of those kinds of days. This isn't yet a scientific theory, but I think I can only stay grumpy an average of ninety minutes before I start looking on the bright side. But then there are days that are not average - and I think it takes me a few more hours to get over myself. After an eleven hour day of work on little food and very little sleep, I drove through my favorite coffee house tonight. There are just some days were I feel bad enough to give in to my guilty pleasures; and after a day of work, being in pain, being dead tired, dealing with angry customers, and still having school deadlines in the back of my head, I felt like even if the coffee was horrible I didn't have anything to loose.
I drove up to the window, and a really nice girl handed me my large fix. "Thanks," I said, "you really just made my day."
She giggled and said, "oh, well you know, it's the small things that count."
As I drove home in the dark looking at the full and beautiful moon, her words kept echoing in my mind.
That made me think: what have been some of the best little things of my life?
There is a CD in my car that plays all my favorite songs from high school. I love that CD, and I usually play it in work traffic or when I'm taking a road trip by myself. I listen to it because it reminds me of who I was, where I come from, and some of the best memories in my life. Sometimes I'm afraid to listen to it because all the people who look at me crying while stopped at a red light will think I'm going crazy. It could be that I am.
Maybe that girl was right. Maybe the best things in my life are the small and quirky things.
There is a reason I've decided to write instead of working on a school assignment, ordering a list of Christmas presents, balancing my checkbook, or getting ready for a full day tomorrow. It's because there are some moments were I just want to stop doing and start being. Because there are sometimes that I just want to be, and do what I love just because I love doing it.
The best times in my life was when I would lie awake at night wondering if I had fallen in love. The best times in my life where the times when children would come up and give me hugs. The best small things in my life has been the first time a guy ever held my hand, staying up past midnight to talk to a friend over the phone, whispering to a roommate under the sheets when we were supposed to be sleeping, raking fall leaves at my grandmother's house, taking road trips, running in the rain, making footprints on the beach. Dreaming. Just because I was alive and I could.
When I was in Jr. High, I can remember one girl at my church that I got to know really well. She was small and slim, and somewhat athletic. Our families knew each other sufficiently; one reason I remembered her so well is because her brother was the very first boy to ever have a crush on me in the seventh grade. I can remember one particular Sunday years ago, she came to church and for some reason, I decided not to talk to her. I don't really remember why, I just didn't, probably because of something really stupid. Three days later I found out she died in a car accident, and five days later I was at her funeral signing her casket with a purple sharpie marker. Years and years later, I think back to that and it's a good reminder. It reminds me to love people while I still can, and to cherish the small things while I still have a chance. That is a beautiful lesson.
Sometimes we need bad days to remind us how good life truly is.
Sometimes it's the bad days in our lives that make us better people.
So, stop stressing about the holidays. Stop shopping. Stop racking up credit card debt trying to afford things to buy other people items they don't need. Stop refusing to give others the benefit of the doubt. Just stop doing, start being, and grow closer to the people and things that really matter. Don't loose sight of the big things, but don't let the big things ruin all perception for the small things. Just as you can be so wrapped up in religion that you miss Christ, you can be so wrapped up in life that you miss the whole point.
Don't live your life only to miss the whole point. Here's a hint I have to keep telling myself: the whole point of my life isn't me.
I drove up to the window, and a really nice girl handed me my large fix. "Thanks," I said, "you really just made my day."
She giggled and said, "oh, well you know, it's the small things that count."
As I drove home in the dark looking at the full and beautiful moon, her words kept echoing in my mind.
That made me think: what have been some of the best little things of my life?
There is a CD in my car that plays all my favorite songs from high school. I love that CD, and I usually play it in work traffic or when I'm taking a road trip by myself. I listen to it because it reminds me of who I was, where I come from, and some of the best memories in my life. Sometimes I'm afraid to listen to it because all the people who look at me crying while stopped at a red light will think I'm going crazy. It could be that I am.
Maybe that girl was right. Maybe the best things in my life are the small and quirky things.
There is a reason I've decided to write instead of working on a school assignment, ordering a list of Christmas presents, balancing my checkbook, or getting ready for a full day tomorrow. It's because there are some moments were I just want to stop doing and start being. Because there are sometimes that I just want to be, and do what I love just because I love doing it.
The best times in my life was when I would lie awake at night wondering if I had fallen in love. The best times in my life where the times when children would come up and give me hugs. The best small things in my life has been the first time a guy ever held my hand, staying up past midnight to talk to a friend over the phone, whispering to a roommate under the sheets when we were supposed to be sleeping, raking fall leaves at my grandmother's house, taking road trips, running in the rain, making footprints on the beach. Dreaming. Just because I was alive and I could.
When I was in Jr. High, I can remember one girl at my church that I got to know really well. She was small and slim, and somewhat athletic. Our families knew each other sufficiently; one reason I remembered her so well is because her brother was the very first boy to ever have a crush on me in the seventh grade. I can remember one particular Sunday years ago, she came to church and for some reason, I decided not to talk to her. I don't really remember why, I just didn't, probably because of something really stupid. Three days later I found out she died in a car accident, and five days later I was at her funeral signing her casket with a purple sharpie marker. Years and years later, I think back to that and it's a good reminder. It reminds me to love people while I still can, and to cherish the small things while I still have a chance. That is a beautiful lesson.
Sometimes we need bad days to remind us how good life truly is.
Sometimes it's the bad days in our lives that make us better people.
So, stop stressing about the holidays. Stop shopping. Stop racking up credit card debt trying to afford things to buy other people items they don't need. Stop refusing to give others the benefit of the doubt. Just stop doing, start being, and grow closer to the people and things that really matter. Don't loose sight of the big things, but don't let the big things ruin all perception for the small things. Just as you can be so wrapped up in religion that you miss Christ, you can be so wrapped up in life that you miss the whole point.
Don't live your life only to miss the whole point. Here's a hint I have to keep telling myself: the whole point of my life isn't me.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Belief.
This is sort of hard to do, but right now I feel like being really honest. And the reason I probably feel like being so honest is because it's cold and dark outside, I am almost dead tired, and I just finished a warm, milky cup of tea. The past several days, all I can think about seems to be Christ and what I truly think of him, and I've begun to really find out more about myself in the process. Even when I am at work or am brushing my teeth, I seem to be creating a list of questions for God. This is going to be pretty honest, so bear with me.
Ever since we were kids, most of us knew about this guy named Jesus. He was the answer to every answer in Sunday School and he kept better track of your naughtiness than Santa Claus did. Jesus also became sort of a guilt trip too, because every time we were about to do something we thought was fun, someone said Jesus wouldn't like that, and of course we wouldn't want Jesus to be mad. We never really saw Jesus; he was supposed to be someone on earth two thousand years ago that we can still pray to in our heads. There has always been something about the idea of Jesus Christ that has kept me curious. Most Christians say they are different because they believe in Christ, but I wonder what that means. What does it mean to believe in anyone? Whenever I hear the word, "belief" I think of the scene in The Polar Express where the young boy keeps saying, "I believe...I believe...I believe..." like he is trying to convince himself that he actually does. Is my belief like that?
This will sound like heresy to some of you, but it took me awhile to accept Jesus wasn't white. Jesus wasn't middle class. Jesus didn't have a nice private school education. And contrary to what the Baptist church taught you as a kid, he probably had long hair, not a crew cut.
It's funny how the only right picture of Jesus is the one with which you happen to grow up. We want a Jesus that is like us.
A more accurate picture of Jesus is a man who had dark skin, born from an unwed teenage mother, lived below the middle class, and made a living laying down floors. It has amazed me that is the way God chose to show himself to the world.
Sometimes I wonder if I really knew Christ face to face two thousand years ago if I really would have accepted him. The only thing I can say is that I would like to think I would have.
The more I live in America, and in this generation, the more I'm afraid of missing the point of Jesus. While I accept the imago deo concept of being made in God's image, sometimes I think we make God into our image. We want a God that is like us, and a faith that molds to us. And in some sense, we want God the same reason we want the latest iPad.
A movie I enjoyed was Castaway staring Tom Hanks. For those of you who haven't already seen the movie, I will give a quick reader's digest. The plot revolves around a man being stranded on an island and finds a volleyball he names "Wilson". While trying to survive, the man becomes psychologically dependent on "Wilson" by treating him as a human person. "Wilson" gives the man all the psychological comfort he needs in order to function. The humor of the movie comes from all the things Tom Hanks' character is willing to do to preserve Wilson because by preserving the volleyball, he preserves his own psyche.
That movie has stuck with me for a long time. The reason it has stuck with me so long is because I feel like there is something in myself that can relate to the main character. The film gives me only one thought. Perhaps we have invented our own little world to fit our own psychological needs.
Maybe our version of Jesus is our Wilson.
The only question that has come to mind the past few days has been - do I truly understand Christ the way he is meant to be known, or have I created a caricature of him to satisfy myself?
Scripture says that God doesn't have a body, that he is Spirit, and yet our bodies are created in his image. The Bible also always refers to God as He even though he isn't really male in the normal sense. God is called Father, because He was the Being who created all of the human race and nurtures it. Sometimes I wonder how I will know God in heaven if I can't see him. Does God read all the prayers I pray in my head or does he hear them?
I really just we would stop painting Jesus as something he isn't so I can finally have time to sort all of these questions out and not be afraid to be honest with what I find.
In your college philosophy classes, the word "God" gets thrown around a lot. The philosophy department seems to talk about God like he is essentially an idea, or an answer to satisfy an equation. All the "unChristian" philosophers talked about God on a regular basis: Nietzsche, Hume, Freud, Derrida, Foucault, Hegal, Kant. They all talked about God, some with terror, some with cynicism. No matter how civilized we become, we cannot get God out of our minds. We are obsessed with the idea of God. And I think the debate over his exists is not as controversial as the debate over his nature. When we say the word, "God", we want to know what it really means.
If you have never read The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris, I'd recommend it. It's one of those books you snuggle up with in bed in the morning and you don't care what time it is. In her book, Norris writes about the Benedictine monks and how they would stay up late into the night and read Scripture aloud by candlelight. It makes me wonder what it would be like to read Scripture like that, and it gives me chills. Kathleen wrote her own observations this way:
Ever since we were kids, most of us knew about this guy named Jesus. He was the answer to every answer in Sunday School and he kept better track of your naughtiness than Santa Claus did. Jesus also became sort of a guilt trip too, because every time we were about to do something we thought was fun, someone said Jesus wouldn't like that, and of course we wouldn't want Jesus to be mad. We never really saw Jesus; he was supposed to be someone on earth two thousand years ago that we can still pray to in our heads. There has always been something about the idea of Jesus Christ that has kept me curious. Most Christians say they are different because they believe in Christ, but I wonder what that means. What does it mean to believe in anyone? Whenever I hear the word, "belief" I think of the scene in The Polar Express where the young boy keeps saying, "I believe...I believe...I believe..." like he is trying to convince himself that he actually does. Is my belief like that?
This will sound like heresy to some of you, but it took me awhile to accept Jesus wasn't white. Jesus wasn't middle class. Jesus didn't have a nice private school education. And contrary to what the Baptist church taught you as a kid, he probably had long hair, not a crew cut.
It's funny how the only right picture of Jesus is the one with which you happen to grow up. We want a Jesus that is like us.
A more accurate picture of Jesus is a man who had dark skin, born from an unwed teenage mother, lived below the middle class, and made a living laying down floors. It has amazed me that is the way God chose to show himself to the world.
Sometimes I wonder if I really knew Christ face to face two thousand years ago if I really would have accepted him. The only thing I can say is that I would like to think I would have.
The more I live in America, and in this generation, the more I'm afraid of missing the point of Jesus. While I accept the imago deo concept of being made in God's image, sometimes I think we make God into our image. We want a God that is like us, and a faith that molds to us. And in some sense, we want God the same reason we want the latest iPad.
A movie I enjoyed was Castaway staring Tom Hanks. For those of you who haven't already seen the movie, I will give a quick reader's digest. The plot revolves around a man being stranded on an island and finds a volleyball he names "Wilson". While trying to survive, the man becomes psychologically dependent on "Wilson" by treating him as a human person. "Wilson" gives the man all the psychological comfort he needs in order to function. The humor of the movie comes from all the things Tom Hanks' character is willing to do to preserve Wilson because by preserving the volleyball, he preserves his own psyche.
That movie has stuck with me for a long time. The reason it has stuck with me so long is because I feel like there is something in myself that can relate to the main character. The film gives me only one thought. Perhaps we have invented our own little world to fit our own psychological needs.
Maybe our version of Jesus is our Wilson.
The only question that has come to mind the past few days has been - do I truly understand Christ the way he is meant to be known, or have I created a caricature of him to satisfy myself?
Scripture says that God doesn't have a body, that he is Spirit, and yet our bodies are created in his image. The Bible also always refers to God as He even though he isn't really male in the normal sense. God is called Father, because He was the Being who created all of the human race and nurtures it. Sometimes I wonder how I will know God in heaven if I can't see him. Does God read all the prayers I pray in my head or does he hear them?
I really just we would stop painting Jesus as something he isn't so I can finally have time to sort all of these questions out and not be afraid to be honest with what I find.
In your college philosophy classes, the word "God" gets thrown around a lot. The philosophy department seems to talk about God like he is essentially an idea, or an answer to satisfy an equation. All the "unChristian" philosophers talked about God on a regular basis: Nietzsche, Hume, Freud, Derrida, Foucault, Hegal, Kant. They all talked about God, some with terror, some with cynicism. No matter how civilized we become, we cannot get God out of our minds. We are obsessed with the idea of God. And I think the debate over his exists is not as controversial as the debate over his nature. When we say the word, "God", we want to know what it really means.
If you have never read The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris, I'd recommend it. It's one of those books you snuggle up with in bed in the morning and you don't care what time it is. In her book, Norris writes about the Benedictine monks and how they would stay up late into the night and read Scripture aloud by candlelight. It makes me wonder what it would be like to read Scripture like that, and it gives me chills. Kathleen wrote her own observations this way:
"Although their access to scholarly tools was primitive compared to what is available in our day, their method of biblical interpretation was in some ways more sophisticated and certainly more psychologically astute, in that they were better able to fathom the complex integrative, and transformative qualities of revelation. Their approach was far less narcissistic than our own tends to be, in that their goal when reading scripture was to see Christ in every verse, and not a mirror image of themselves."
My heart almost stops every time I read that passage, because I know it's true. I read Scripture like a narcissist trying to find myself and self-application in every verse. If I sat down and put aside all the silly Christian books that were discounted at the local bookstore, I put aside a lot of my culture presuppositions about Jesus, I put aside my desire to find a formula and chart to grow my faith and just read with honesty and sincerity, that would be a true gift. In order to do that, I would have to put aside my fear of discovering God as he is.
The older I get the more I learn that faith isn't really about having all the right answers as much as it is willingness to search for them. Perhaps that is what Christ meant when he said to come to him you had to come as a child. Children are searchers, and they are vulnerable and in need of a lot of guidance. I trust solely in Christ; and the trust that has given me salvation is the same trust that makes me more curious about the one whom I've claimed to believe.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Evangelism and a blind date.
I think the reason why most people in our culture today hate religious people is because they hate feeling like a walking target. Maybe that's why most Jehovah Witnesses haven't had much luck lately. I've recommended to several of my JW friends that knocking on doors is not the best way to go, but their superiors haven't recieved my message yet. If I wanted to get people to hate Christianity more than they already do, the first thing I would do is probably start knocking on doors. People treat door knocking evangelists the same way they treat unwanted visitors on Halloween: they either pretend they are not home or go to the door and grumble. Growing up, I remember regularly hearing my grandmother look out the window and say, "The Jehovah Witnesses are coming to the door - don't answer it!" The Jehovah Witnesses had attained the same status in my mind as the telemarketer.
I've always been a little cynical, and perhaps somewhat embarrassed, at the way that people go out and market their faith. That's why I hate it when people make you feel guilty for not handing out tracts. Tracts are annoying to everyone, especially in public restrooms. It's humiliating for me to think that someone could be so intellectually and mentally base to accept Christianity because they found a Billy Graham tract next to the toilet paper in a public restroom. It's not as if people in our culture have no idea what religion is, and they need one of our goofy tracts to explain it to them. I've never gone to a public restroom and saw someone reading a tract and said, "oh, so that's what this whole Christian thing is about, makes much more sense." Faith isn't that simple, and a lot of our evangelism methods feel more like bait so we can catch people to feed our guilty conscience .
Gimmicks like that have always seemed like laziness. Perhaps we feel we don't have to live a life of virtue and discipleship as long as we make our conscious feel better by wearing a T-shirt that says, "Got Jesus?" to the popular, "Got Milk?" counterpart. When I see that T-shirt, it doesn't make me think better of Jesus as much as it disgusts me that someone would compare Jesus to a gallon of milk.
Then of course, you have the more sophisticated Christians who will just pummel innocent people with Systematic Theology because they don't want to be like those "Got Jesus?" T-shirt wearing people. They're much smarter than all that. And I think a lot of them can read the original New Testament in Greek, which completely ruins everyone else's idea that the New Testament was written in Olde English.
But I guess I can't judge, because I've been there too. I have been a part of church groups before who would go on college campuses and stalk students until they tell us the meaning of their lives and how they can justify the existence of the world without God. Most of them just looked at us like we were crazy. Maybe we were.
I look back at that now and put myself in the shoes of the people on those old college campuses. I remember how in the rare instance when we found a Theist on campus we would quickly end the conversation because they were already "one of us" and were not apart of our "project". Then my group of Christian friends would continue on to run after the next group of college students.
It took a lot of honesty to look back at those days and realize I had been just annoying to the college students as the Jehovah Witnesses were at my grandmother's door.
I yearn for a faith that loves people just because they are people. I yearn for a faith that treats all people with dignity and respect instead of like projects. I'd like to see a world with no Jesus T-shirts, bumper stickers about God being my pilot, weird evangelism strategies, awkward conversations with non-believers and complete disconnect. Maybe when I strip away all the elements of false and arrogant faith can I truly start to bless.
It's not that I dislike evangelism. I just don't like presenting the Christian life like something it's not.
Christ was the one who constantly compared our relationship to God as a marriage. I really like that a lot, and I think God does too. Marriage is such a great analogy to the Christian life, and in mind, probably the most accurate comparison.
When you marry a person, it starts out peachy, and then after awhile you figure out what it would feel like to be hand-cuffed to another person the rest of your life. Marriage is when you say, "I love you" and actually have to go about proving it. Marriage is like a microscope where you see deeply into another person's soul, and a mirror that you can see more deeply into your own. It's a place where nothing rotten can be kept covered for very long. It's the one relationship in humanity which forces us to struggle with love and while knowing the full truth.
And that kind of relationship is always incredibly difficult. If Christ compared having faith in him to marriage, perhaps he meant that coming to faith was more like falling in love than signing the dotted line. Maybe helping other people come to him is more than just knocking on doors and stalking students on campuses.
That is why evangelizing has always felt like setting someone up on a blind date.
I've always been a little cynical, and perhaps somewhat embarrassed, at the way that people go out and market their faith. That's why I hate it when people make you feel guilty for not handing out tracts. Tracts are annoying to everyone, especially in public restrooms. It's humiliating for me to think that someone could be so intellectually and mentally base to accept Christianity because they found a Billy Graham tract next to the toilet paper in a public restroom. It's not as if people in our culture have no idea what religion is, and they need one of our goofy tracts to explain it to them. I've never gone to a public restroom and saw someone reading a tract and said, "oh, so that's what this whole Christian thing is about, makes much more sense." Faith isn't that simple, and a lot of our evangelism methods feel more like bait so we can catch people to feed our guilty conscience .
Gimmicks like that have always seemed like laziness. Perhaps we feel we don't have to live a life of virtue and discipleship as long as we make our conscious feel better by wearing a T-shirt that says, "Got Jesus?" to the popular, "Got Milk?" counterpart. When I see that T-shirt, it doesn't make me think better of Jesus as much as it disgusts me that someone would compare Jesus to a gallon of milk.
Then of course, you have the more sophisticated Christians who will just pummel innocent people with Systematic Theology because they don't want to be like those "Got Jesus?" T-shirt wearing people. They're much smarter than all that. And I think a lot of them can read the original New Testament in Greek, which completely ruins everyone else's idea that the New Testament was written in Olde English.
But I guess I can't judge, because I've been there too. I have been a part of church groups before who would go on college campuses and stalk students until they tell us the meaning of their lives and how they can justify the existence of the world without God. Most of them just looked at us like we were crazy. Maybe we were.
I look back at that now and put myself in the shoes of the people on those old college campuses. I remember how in the rare instance when we found a Theist on campus we would quickly end the conversation because they were already "one of us" and were not apart of our "project". Then my group of Christian friends would continue on to run after the next group of college students.
It took a lot of honesty to look back at those days and realize I had been just annoying to the college students as the Jehovah Witnesses were at my grandmother's door.
I yearn for a faith that loves people just because they are people. I yearn for a faith that treats all people with dignity and respect instead of like projects. I'd like to see a world with no Jesus T-shirts, bumper stickers about God being my pilot, weird evangelism strategies, awkward conversations with non-believers and complete disconnect. Maybe when I strip away all the elements of false and arrogant faith can I truly start to bless.
It's not that I dislike evangelism. I just don't like presenting the Christian life like something it's not.
Christ was the one who constantly compared our relationship to God as a marriage. I really like that a lot, and I think God does too. Marriage is such a great analogy to the Christian life, and in mind, probably the most accurate comparison.
When you marry a person, it starts out peachy, and then after awhile you figure out what it would feel like to be hand-cuffed to another person the rest of your life. Marriage is when you say, "I love you" and actually have to go about proving it. Marriage is like a microscope where you see deeply into another person's soul, and a mirror that you can see more deeply into your own. It's a place where nothing rotten can be kept covered for very long. It's the one relationship in humanity which forces us to struggle with love and while knowing the full truth.
And that kind of relationship is always incredibly difficult. If Christ compared having faith in him to marriage, perhaps he meant that coming to faith was more like falling in love than signing the dotted line. Maybe helping other people come to him is more than just knocking on doors and stalking students on campuses.
That is why evangelizing has always felt like setting someone up on a blind date.
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