Today has just been one of those kinds of days. This isn't yet a scientific theory, but I think I can only stay grumpy an average of ninety minutes before I start looking on the bright side. But then there are days that are not average - and I think it takes me a few more hours to get over myself. After an eleven hour day of work on little food and very little sleep, I drove through my favorite coffee house tonight. There are just some days were I feel bad enough to give in to my guilty pleasures; and after a day of work, being in pain, being dead tired, dealing with angry customers, and still having school deadlines in the back of my head, I felt like even if the coffee was horrible I didn't have anything to loose.
I drove up to the window, and a really nice girl handed me my large fix. "Thanks," I said, "you really just made my day."
She giggled and said, "oh, well you know, it's the small things that count."
As I drove home in the dark looking at the full and beautiful moon, her words kept echoing in my mind.
That made me think: what have been some of the best little things of my life?
There is a CD in my car that plays all my favorite songs from high school. I love that CD, and I usually play it in work traffic or when I'm taking a road trip by myself. I listen to it because it reminds me of who I was, where I come from, and some of the best memories in my life. Sometimes I'm afraid to listen to it because all the people who look at me crying while stopped at a red light will think I'm going crazy. It could be that I am.
Maybe that girl was right. Maybe the best things in my life are the small and quirky things.
There is a reason I've decided to write instead of working on a school assignment, ordering a list of Christmas presents, balancing my checkbook, or getting ready for a full day tomorrow. It's because there are some moments were I just want to stop doing and start being. Because there are sometimes that I just want to be, and do what I love just because I love doing it.
The best times in my life was when I would lie awake at night wondering if I had fallen in love. The best times in my life where the times when children would come up and give me hugs. The best small things in my life has been the first time a guy ever held my hand, staying up past midnight to talk to a friend over the phone, whispering to a roommate under the sheets when we were supposed to be sleeping, raking fall leaves at my grandmother's house, taking road trips, running in the rain, making footprints on the beach. Dreaming. Just because I was alive and I could.
When I was in Jr. High, I can remember one girl at my church that I got to know really well. She was small and slim, and somewhat athletic. Our families knew each other sufficiently; one reason I remembered her so well is because her brother was the very first boy to ever have a crush on me in the seventh grade. I can remember one particular Sunday years ago, she came to church and for some reason, I decided not to talk to her. I don't really remember why, I just didn't, probably because of something really stupid. Three days later I found out she died in a car accident, and five days later I was at her funeral signing her casket with a purple sharpie marker. Years and years later, I think back to that and it's a good reminder. It reminds me to love people while I still can, and to cherish the small things while I still have a chance. That is a beautiful lesson.
Sometimes we need bad days to remind us how good life truly is.
Sometimes it's the bad days in our lives that make us better people.
So, stop stressing about the holidays. Stop shopping. Stop racking up credit card debt trying to afford things to buy other people items they don't need. Stop refusing to give others the benefit of the doubt. Just stop doing, start being, and grow closer to the people and things that really matter. Don't loose sight of the big things, but don't let the big things ruin all perception for the small things. Just as you can be so wrapped up in religion that you miss Christ, you can be so wrapped up in life that you miss the whole point.
Don't live your life only to miss the whole point. Here's a hint I have to keep telling myself: the whole point of my life isn't me.
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