Dear Women's Ministry:
Long time no see. I know our lack of connection has probably left you somewhat curious - and I think our separation has largely been my fault.
Not all lies are given to intentionally snare.Some of your lies are like forbidden fruits; very well disguised. But your forbidden fruit was not just white lies about the weather either; but lies about God, myself, femininity, leadership and men. And it's taken me years to try to get things straightened out in my own mind. I'm not blaming you; because you were just the mouth piece of what the modern, American evangelical culture was already emerged in. I'm just sorry that you had to confuse a lot of the girls I grew up with in the process.
Women's ministry: if I wanted decorating tips, casserole recipes, and cute cupcake designs, the world would be more than happy to give me a class in it. If I wanted to be forced to share my deepest feelings with people I hardly know, I'd sign up for therapy. I think women come to the Church to find something that the world cannot give them; and that's a better understanding of God, themselves, and their call. Please stop telling us to search for less. I figure that if God wanted women to be shallow and self-absorbed for their entire lives, He would have applied white out to erase the majority of women from the Bible.
In fact, I'm sorry to say that if Deborah, Hulda, Mariam, Esther, Junia or Phoebe were alive today, they probably would not be allowed on our platform.
The reason I used the word call and not role is because you taught me to be skeptical of the word "role". Roll makes me think of June Cleaver; call makes me think of Lucy disappearing into a magic wardrobe. I know which one I'd rather be. We want adventure too; it's not just a guy thing. While some of us may be content playing a little helper role in the adventure, some of us want permission to be more. "Helper" doesn't mean acting like dumb Watson to support a brilliant Sherlock Holmes. To help is to restore, to nurture, to raise up. To heal.
Women's ministry, I love your intentions, really I do. But one day when I give an account to God with how I used my gifts, "the boys won't let me" will not be an adequate excuse.
Women's ministry, I wish you told me that the definition of womanhood doesn't just encompass marriage and motherhood.
I wish you told me that healthy relationships are when two people make each other better at being themselves.
I wish you told me that marriage is best when two partners both play second fiddle to God.
I wish you told me that grace and submission is mutual, not mutually exclusive.
I wish you told me that I should act like a servant and not a princess.
I wish you told me that desiring Christ was more important than acting like I had it all together.
I wish you told me that millions of young girls are slaughtered trying to get a basic education in third world countries instead of telling me my college education was worthless.
I wish you raised money to help the millions of women sold into sex slavery instead of raising money for cupcake decorating materials.
I wish that you had stopped dreaming so small for us.
Women's ministry, I haven't given up on you. I've just needed some space for the last few years. So forgive me for my own failings, and give me a little more time. The truth is, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of loosing myself and my passion amidst the arts and crafts you often give us to entertain us. I'm afraid I'll become more shallow, instead of more humble and vibrant. Allow me to find my calling instead of my mere role.
Sincerely,
Ashley
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