It was from my gay friend. We had talked about homosexuality for a long time. What would he want to say to me now?
Hey Ashley, he began in his normal casual tone. I imagined him sitting at a Starbucks with his mac sheepishly typing the email out. I just wanted to say that while we disagree, I appreciate that you take the time to research the issues and are a voice of reason when I find myself getting hot headed.
Stunned, I clicked the send/receive button again just to make sure that I wasn't hallucinating. I remember the feeling of surprise that sprung up within me when my friend confessed to me that he was gay. Instead of the outrage that he received from his parents, my response was to pour myself into research. The gay community wasn't something I was concerned about until my friend confessed he was a part of it. I can remember pouring of hours of research on homosexual studies, and getting into some pretty honest conversations with him about it. I was not out to prove my side; I was out for the truth. All my life I was taught things from the Church about the gay community, but my friend seemed so unlike everyone the Church grouped into that narrow category. I wanted to know the truth. I wanted to know what this was all about. At that time, my opinions on homosexuality actually mattered.
His email humbled me. I never knew I had that much impact on one person. Yet it also saddened me, because I was one of the very few people in his life who cared enough to do the research.
Here is my confession: I love gay people. Really, I do. I have had several gay friends over the years, and I believe they are one of the most kindest and most thoughtful people I have ever met. Some of them have a sexually abusive past, others do not. They are all different; just like their straight counterparts.
The reason I am writing this post is because someone asked me this weekend how I could love people who were sexual confused. How could I not?
During my younger years, I got the feeling the gay community was kind of like the KKK or something. I mean, as many of my Christian friends put it, they are taking over America! I remember being in Sunday School and being taught that gay people were against Christians, and it took me awhile for my six year old brain to figure that the "gay community" was actually not a rival religious group. The gays were the people who God judges with STD's. Or so I was told.
As in any social discussion, the key word always seems to be "choice". It's hard, because the whole "choosing to be gay" thing makes me sort of mad. I think of my own friend, who was sexually abused all through childhood and in young adulthood told his parents he was gay. Honestly. Do you think he woke up one morning and thought, "I think today I've decided that I am going to choose to be gay!"
Uh. No. It does not exactly work that way. Please show gay people more respect than to think they just randomly pulled their sexuality out of a hat.
At the end of the day, the whole debate about homosexuality being a choice or a biological trait is a loosing game for Evangelicals. I don't even know why we participate in that debate anymore. Biological or not, homosexuality has an enormous stronghold on people's lives. Why should Christians care to prove there is no gay gene- it's still real and it still has consequences that matter!
Several months ago, my friend's mother complained that Home Depot was in the gay pride parade holding up signs. "I will never shop at Home Depot again; I can't believe they support such an abomination."
My blood almost boiled. "Yeah, I would be right beside you," I said, "but then I'd have to stop going to Baptist churches too because they were the ones holding up the 'God hates fags' signs."
Me and my big mouth.
Matt Chandler is a guy who can put things a lot better than I can.
What are we doing?
We have told people...their sexuality is beyond grace.
....that their sexual mistakes banishes them to hell.
....that no one else would want them.
....that they will never be whole again.
Our biggest enemy is our propensity to bully anyone who we see as lesser than ourselves. Gays may have an agenda, but apparently so do we.
A person's sexual history does not make them less valuable, less human, or less able to be redeemed than you are. So if you as a Christian have nothing respectful to say to your gay neighbors, shut up. Everyone around you is hurting, so for once in your life, maybe you could try being part of the solution instead of part of the problem.
No one's sexuality is trash.
God isn't like the garbage man that just takes out your sexual trash and destroys it, leaving you empty. He is more like a gardener who restores and grows and nourishes.
No one's sexuality is beyond grace.
God didn't just die for you life only to leave your sexuality in shambles. I wish we lived in churches were gays, lesbians, trans-genders, bi-sexuals and the abused were not just welcomed, but wanted. Broken people need love, but not a love that is apathetic or all-accepting, but a love that seeks to nurture.
Grace will never exist for people who think they are too holy to need it. If you're sexual pure, very good job, you are one of the few who still are. But you have a choice to make: either you hold up the world's rose and cynically declare it is beyond repair, or you can give the solution and answer the world's deepest question. It's your choice.
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