For the first time in my existence I have decided to stop denying my emotional nature. Emotions have really recieved a bad rap - every time you show any kind of tears, people say, "don't act like a girl", which makes us whether crying or being a girl is worse. It's almost like we're expected to live our lives with a mask on, and a display of emotion is a display of weakness. For a long time I've tried to persuade myself and others that I am more analytical than emotional, but I have given it up. I am analytical, but my emotions certainly are dominant also.
And by emotional, I'm not talking about the "I'm freaking out because I'm having a bad hair day" kind of girl. I don't really weep too much about myself, because that ends up in a game of self-pity. Most of the time I'd rather just cry for humanity.
There are a lot of things in the world that make me incredibly sad. Even though my life has bad moments, I feel like I am one of the luckiest people to be alive. I have family and friends who love me unconditionally, I have a home, I am one of the few Americans in my age category to have a good job, I've had the opportunity to have an education, I have a warm bed at night, and I live in a free country. But above all, I am one of the few who know God. That probably means I'm in the top 2% of the population.
Just those simple things make me one of the most blessed people on the face of the earth. I don't have a whole lot to complain about. What moves me the most is people being abused; watching single mothers work incredibly hard just so they can try and feed their children; watching families who have their loved ones taken away from them; understanding there are children being sold into sex slavery and being with people who are afraid and alone and confused.
I weep for people I don't even know, like people who died on 9/11. It breaks my heart that people knew they were going to die dozens of stories high; that people were forced to jump because of the heat; that people in a plane had to experience the horror of a hijacking; and that people recieved calls from their loves telling them they would never be home. It breaks my heart that people died who didn't know who God was.
It makes me wonder on a deeper level what it means that God loved the world.
How could God love a place like this?
Saying, "I love you" means something different to everyone. When I hear the phrase, I think of my friends and family who really do love me. But it also makes me think of boys who said it to me that never meant it. Often times the, "I love you!" that comes from a co-worker was because of something I did to help, but not because of who I am. Sometimes "I love you" really just means, "I love me."
What does it mean to love anyone at all, let alone God loving this fallen state of humanity? Humanity is a condition where people are greedy, hate other people, sell other human beings, and rob each other of value. Humanity is also a condition where we try to repair the problem ourselves. And if you think our problems are bad, you should see some of our solutions.
One of the most profound examples of love has come from my mother. Growing up, I was a household name for most of the hospital staff. It's rather pathetic when you are friends with your anesthesiologist and your orthopedic surgeon could probably be on your speed dial. Oftentimes to ease my pain as a child, my mother would rub my back or my feet. Many times I would cry because I hurt so badly, but I knew that her hands would bring healing to me. And as soon as I started to cry, she did too. Although the pain did hurt, what made me weep the most was the realization of my mother's love and how much I anticipated the healing.
Maybe that is just a small picture of what it meant for God to love the world. Except God chose to bring healing to the world through the hands of Christ. And when you are his, you have to take on his hands. Not only did God love the world enough to try to heal it, but he also loved Christians enough to give us the gift of healing others.
I think some Christians need to understand that God isn't out to "get" the world. It's not like life is a chess board, and God is the king trying to capture all the little pawns just for his own good fun. It's not like God wants the world to be destroyed so he can sit back and laugh at his little practical joke he played on us.
God doesn't love the world because it's convent or because we're lovely. He doesn't love the world the way your old boyfriend did or the way your boss does. He doesn't love the world with strings attached. Perhaps the reason so many of us refuse God's love is because so few of us truly understand what the word love means.
That brings me to a very simple understanding of my own faith. And that is, if God truly loves the world like that, my own apathy must be one of the worst sins of all.
No comments:
Post a Comment