Drawing the line somewhere

I try not to be the type of girl that pretends to be more spiritual than she actually is.  Today I got a little bored during Church so I snuck out early to go to the store to start my work day.  I guess it’s not that I’m an unspiritual person, I just get easily distracted.    

After I picked up my Sunday morning Starbucks ritual, I walked in the store and sized up the day’s work with a frazzled co-worker.  After a few hours, I noticed the manager’s son coloring pages with sharpie markers.  He seemed focused; the kind of intent focus that kids have when they are eating Jiff peanut butter right out of the container. 

I asked him what he was drawing.  He said, “a game.”  I came over to his drawing station to find a white piece of paper filled with targets and battle lines.  Everything was either black or red, which he later explained the good guys were red and the bad guys were black. 

Apparently the boy had not been exposed to much political correctness. 

“Who is winning the game?” I asked.  His freckled face looked up at me under his baseball hat like I had asked a silly question.  “Of course we win we win; we’re the good guys and we’re on the right side.” 

Driving home, I rolled my window down and let the fall breeze sweep through my hair.  And all I could think about is what that freckled little boy said.

Of course we win; we’re the good guys and we’re on the right side. 

That simple dogmatism is part of why I enjoy children so much.  I’ve never seen a little boy pick up a stick or a light saber and question whether he should fight evil or whether evil even existed.  Only until he’s old enough to be indoctrinated at university does he think he is too intelligent to believe in absolute good and evil.    

And in that sense, perhaps children have a better understanding of the “real world.”

However, the longer I live, the more I have begun to see that drawing battle lines with a red sharpie marker is easier than drawing them in life.  We draw battle lines between Republican, Democrat, Islamic, Jew, Christian, Hindu, Communist, Postmodernist, Gay, Straight, and almost every category possible. 

And on our picture, we’re the red guys.  We also have the biggest guns. 

As a kid you’re taught in Sunday School that atheists are the bad guys.  Then one day you discover the atheists are leading some of the most profound charities in the world.  In high school you were once taught that Republicans were supposed to be pro-life, but then you learn that the Republican party funded abortions after they declared it murder.  As a child you’re taught to trust church leadership, only to watch the night news report some of our most influential church leaders are chronic sex offenders. 

The world is a very confusing place.  And sometimes it’s hard to figure out who the bad guys really are.

Several months ago, I had the opportunity to discuss the homosexual movement with a fellow evangelical.  With a warm cup of coffee in my hands, I sat and listened to her explain how horrible homosexuality was and how gays held up promiscuous signs at gay pride parades.   

After I listened for awhile, I asked her what the gay pride parade signs said.  It’s not that I was ignorant, but I wanted to hear her say the phrases.

I finally asked, “what do you mean by a promixcious sign?”

“Oh you know,” she stirred her coffee, “just saying offensive things that are completely untrue and disgusting."

“Are gays the only ones who attend the gay pride parades?” I asked, faking my ignorance. 

“No, of course not,” she replied, “My friends and I have been and we’re evangelicals.”

“Did you hold signs?”

“Yes, that’s why we went.”

I paused.  “What did the Christian’s signs say at the gay pride parade?”

She never did answer.  My friend knew what I was getting at.  Anyone who has ever attended a gay pride parade or seen the six o’clock news knows what the Christian’s signs say. 

God hates fags.   

Yeah, that is what some Christians hold at gay pride parades.  If you ever see a sign that says, “God loves gays” please let me know.  Although if you ever do find such a sign, I might be the one holding it.    

The interesting aspect of protests and parades is that each side can only see the signs in front of them and not the one in their hand.  Both sides have gotten somewhat promiscuous.    

Right now the homosexuality debate has been a lot like the reformed theology debate.  I don’t really do that kind of stuff anymore.  Sooner or later you just figure out there are some people who believe homosexuality is natural and they can prove it, and other guys believe homosexuality is an abomination and they can prove it and the whole debate stopped being about gay people a long time ago and now it’s about who’s smarter and more scientific. 

It’s true in other areas in life also.  The reason I refuse to date a man who gossips about his ex’s is because a guy can only have so many wacko ex-girlfriends before he becomes the common denominator in the relationship equation.  An employee can only have so many “unfair” bosses before he finally wonders if he was ever part of the problem.  A political activist can only point fingers so many times before he finally looks in the mirror and the finger is pointing at himself.   

Maybe I’m not as “red” as I thought I was.  The hardest battle I will ever fight is not against the gays, the liberals or the Muslim extremists.  Maybe the hardest battle I will ever fight is the battle against my own ego, my own hypocrisy, my own selfishness, my own entitlement, my own greed, my own materialism, my own lust, my own perverted sexuality.  My anger.  My pride.  My self.  

Children are right.  There is a battle between good and evil.  But perhaps before I go out and defeat the enemy on the other side of the battle lines, I have to capture the evil within me.

And that brings me to a simple and profound truth. 

What I find wrong in the world so often begins in me.